welcome

 

My name is Sycee. I’m the writer of hyperbole riff.

 

It’s 4:11 AM, and I’ve been trying to write this post for a little while now. I’m actually having a difficult time beginning, because it feels so much rests on its shoulders. This is the intro post, the first impression, and bar to which everybody is going to have expectations. Responsibility is crushing.

 

I hope it gets easier. I have dreams for hyperbole riff, not to become big or hit milestones or anything like that.

 

My dreams are just to write to it frequently. To think often.

 

“Oh, I should write about this.”

 

I don’t think that very often.

 

Not for years, actually.

 

I studied writing at a university. And it changed how I thought about writing.

 

“I need to write about something [for class].”

“I want to write this story [eventually, [but not right now, [not yet]]].”

 

But now, the validity of those bracketed excuses has dissipated into mist.

 

 

 

I don’t focus like I used to.

 

In high school, I wrote marathons across my keyboard.

In college, I wrung out my headband from the bench.

 

Cue pandemic. Creative spark, organized drive. Runner’s high.

But as classes resumed, I sat down again.

 

 

 

I’ve graduated now, and the spark has returned. But it’s different, like a cat that left for a week and came back a different color.

 

Right now, I envision writing like a tunnel. The ground is level. Moisture drips from brown walls and ceiling.

 

Before, my spark was a flashlight. It cast straight ahead, and I walked forward.

 

Now, my spark is torchlight in a forest. The path from the tunnel continues forward, only faintly, and I can’t see as far as before.

 

But around me are trails of scattered leaves and branches. Branching paths, all ultimately connected.

 

 

 

I think in college, something happened to the way my brain works. Something slow, gradual.

 

Writing got harder.

Studying stayed unrealistic.

Reading became boring, even on topics I loved.

 

And I can still feel it now, the way my brain works. It never turns off, but at the same time, it’s never on.

 

It keeps me bored all day even though I have things I want to start.

It keeps me awake at night even though I’m trying to sleep. (It’s 5:25 AM.)

 

If my spark is on my side, then my brain isn’t.

 

I can’t think.

 

 

 

I can’t think.

 

 

 

And that’s why I decided to come here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’re all products of our times.

 

But if the people we are today are products of our upbringings, then the people we become tomorrow must be products of the choices we make.

 

The internet is my friend and foe. It’s how I learn, how I work, how I socialize, and how I relax. But it also keeps me captivated.

 

Video games. Social media. Constant background noise, the joy of multitasking. Slouching. Snacking. Staying up late.

 

It gives me enough to keep me digging for more. It leaves no room for time or thoughts. It roots me for hours, in mind and in body.

 

Am I addicted? Am I reliant? Or am I just too comfortable?

 

I made all the choices, fed everything into my brain. They were all easy to access, all within arm’s reach. I should have stopped a long time ago. I should have learned to control myself a decade ago.

 

I know I should stop, but I can’t. I need an intervention, but I haven’t gotten one.

 

But my brain is in my way. Because there are things I want to do, and it isn’t making them easy.

 

 

 

This, “hyperbole riff,” is how I plan to begin.

 

I’ve got goals to reach. Hobbies, languages, and skills.

 

I’ve got habits to kick. Scrolling in bed, gaming away the days, never letting my brain rest, never stopping to process what I’m doing, hearing, and seeing—never stopping to even think.

 

I want to get started, but I need an obligation.

It has to let me me sit and think my own thoughts.

It has to be easy to do, so I don’t settle back into bad habits.

It has to let me post and be seen, to feel like I have an audience.

 

 

 

In posting this, I’m making a commitment and a promise as a writer.

 

This is a space for my thoughts, where I’m going to re-center my self.

 

And even if I’m technically writing for myself, I’m still writing for an audience: you. So feel free to reply to my posts, tag me, message me, or interact whatever other way—I’m social, I promise! I’m still new to dreamwidth, but I plan to make it my most used site.

 

I plan to write about a variety of content, from personal pieces to more put-together ones:

 

• I have some ideas for weekly posts, including a sleep journal, a nutrition log, and a learning log.

 

• I think it would also be fun to make personal posts, fall into research rabbitholes, write think pieces, share some of my photos and their stories, and review games and music.

 

• It should also be a good place for me to post my writing as well.

 

I’d like to create a more comprehensive list, but at the time of writing this, it’s 6:29 AM. Which means I’ve really fucked up. Again.

 

The blueprints are still in the air, but either way, you’ll be hearing from me regularly.

 

 

Sycee, signing out!

 

Tuesday Wednesday | August 9, 2023